Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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