she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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