omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
