If i come over, it means nothing
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My pussy is not your playground.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
