If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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