Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
