walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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