it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
