Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
