he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
