Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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