What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
