Threesome in a minivan. New low
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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