So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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