I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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