So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
