I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
