I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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