you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
