I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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