i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
