yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
