I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
