Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
