How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
