Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
