I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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