He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
