Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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