U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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