Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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