we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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