I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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