he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
