What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
