Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
