My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
