uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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