I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
