Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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