Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
