I am puke
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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