Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
