he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
