i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
