I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
