No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
