I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
