That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
