I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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